Conversations with my batshit crazy brain (BCB)
BCB: Hey you, it's 02:27 in the morning. How can you sleep when you
haven't found a solution for that great big problem at work?
Me: I'll deal with it tomorrow, go back to sleep.
BCB: Tomorrow? You've been pushing that thing downwards on your to-do-list the whole week. If you don't deal with this right now, the world as we know it will cease to be. Let's call Eva. Now.
Me: Thanks for the tip, Eva could know how to deal wit this. I should have thought of her before. Now go back to sleep.
BCB: Let's get up and go to the office.
Me: At 02:32 in the morning? You're crazy.
BCB: You're lazy.
BCB: But really, seriously, everybody will hate you if you don't solve this first thing in the morning tomorrow. Or now. Solve it now.
Me: STFU
BCB: Speaking of which, there's your husband. Shouldn't we wake him up? You know, sexy time...
Me: NO. It's 2:57 in the morning. He wouldn't like that. Come on, let's sleep.
BCB: God, you're boring. Boring.
Me: Let's think of something boring and fall asleep.
BCB: I bet there's nothing you can come up with that I can't turn into high drama.
(- - -)
Me: OK, you won. It's 3:34 and every thought spirals out of proportion.
BCB: There's your husband...
Me: Leave him alone.
BCB: OK, but listen to him breathing. 1, 2, 3, 4 and there's that sound you dislike so much.
Me: I'm not listening.
BCB: Oh yes you are. 1, 2, 3, 4 and there. I'd say it's a moist sound.
Me: Gah.
BCB: Or phlegm.
Me: Can't we think of something else? Holidays?
BCB: You only have six days in the office before your holidays. Get out of bed and solve the problems. Or else the world will crumble and you'll be considered an idiot.
Me: I don't care, I want to sleep. Also, it's 4:03 in the morning.
BCB: Your career will collapse. Now. And, for the record, you will hate your holidays. All that driving, and all those people, it will be a disaster. 2700 km, that's like a million miles, isn't it? And you will have a hundred screaming cousins in your tiny cottage, at all hours. Stay in the office. Be a productive human being. And clean up the mess in your house. Have we talked about the mess in your house?
Husband, groggy: Are you awake? Are you cold? Wait, let me get you a blanket. (- - -) Here you go.
BCB: Mmm, blanket. You. know. I...
Me: ...love...
Me: Hey you, it's 7:00, let's go to the office and get that problem sorted out!
BCB: What problem? Let's deal with that next week. Or maybe somebody else will solve it while you're on your amazing roadtrip to the wonderful mountains with all the people you love the most. THAT will be fun. The office is boring. Let's snuggle under this blanket for a while...
Me: I'll deal with it tomorrow, go back to sleep.
BCB: Tomorrow? You've been pushing that thing downwards on your to-do-list the whole week. If you don't deal with this right now, the world as we know it will cease to be. Let's call Eva. Now.
Me: Thanks for the tip, Eva could know how to deal wit this. I should have thought of her before. Now go back to sleep.
BCB: Let's get up and go to the office.
Me: At 02:32 in the morning? You're crazy.
BCB: You're lazy.
BCB: But really, seriously, everybody will hate you if you don't solve this first thing in the morning tomorrow. Or now. Solve it now.
Me: STFU
BCB: Speaking of which, there's your husband. Shouldn't we wake him up? You know, sexy time...
Me: NO. It's 2:57 in the morning. He wouldn't like that. Come on, let's sleep.
BCB: God, you're boring. Boring.
Me: Let's think of something boring and fall asleep.
BCB: I bet there's nothing you can come up with that I can't turn into high drama.
(- - -)
Me: OK, you won. It's 3:34 and every thought spirals out of proportion.
BCB: There's your husband...
Me: Leave him alone.
BCB: OK, but listen to him breathing. 1, 2, 3, 4 and there's that sound you dislike so much.
Me: I'm not listening.
BCB: Oh yes you are. 1, 2, 3, 4 and there. I'd say it's a moist sound.
Me: Gah.
BCB: Or phlegm.
Me: Can't we think of something else? Holidays?
BCB: You only have six days in the office before your holidays. Get out of bed and solve the problems. Or else the world will crumble and you'll be considered an idiot.
Me: I don't care, I want to sleep. Also, it's 4:03 in the morning.
BCB: Your career will collapse. Now. And, for the record, you will hate your holidays. All that driving, and all those people, it will be a disaster. 2700 km, that's like a million miles, isn't it? And you will have a hundred screaming cousins in your tiny cottage, at all hours. Stay in the office. Be a productive human being. And clean up the mess in your house. Have we talked about the mess in your house?
Husband, groggy: Are you awake? Are you cold? Wait, let me get you a blanket. (- - -) Here you go.
BCB: Mmm, blanket. You. know. I...
Me: ...love...
Me: Hey you, it's 7:00, let's go to the office and get that problem sorted out!
BCB: What problem? Let's deal with that next week. Or maybe somebody else will solve it while you're on your amazing roadtrip to the wonderful mountains with all the people you love the most. THAT will be fun. The office is boring. Let's snuggle under this blanket for a while...
Labels: nightshade